Worst Wrestler In History

Once again I would like to welcome a guest poster - David "No Gimmicks Needed" S.

I'd like to thank the esteemed wrestleblogger for giving me the chance to chime in with my two cents and pass out the award for 'Worst Wrestler in History'.

Runner-Up - Ultimate Warrior
What in God's name would possess any dang fool to be a fan of this roided up, talent less clown? I will confess that there is a certain visceral impact on witnessing Jim Helwig's animalistic snarls and massive pumped up physique charging around the ring but the effect is quickly lost when one discovers that the man can't actually wrestle. They say that in professional wrestling the chief duty of the wrestler is to tell a story in the ring. In the case of Warrior his story was always the same. I crush opponent. For a young HHH the story was, "I embarrass up and coming talent by completely no selling his finishing move". Of course Triple H got the last laugh by becoming the 6 thousand time world champ while Warrior is currently busy developing his career in informing college students that "queering don't make the world go 'round". Triple H has been justifiably accused of selfishness but he likely learned a great lesson from his brief encounter with the "Ultimate" Ego; that crushing opponents is arrogant, lazy and boring for the audience. Triple H may be self aggrandizing but at least he worked his tail off climbing wrestling's rungs. Warrior on the other hand worked short, dull matches with his limited repertoire of power moves and no selling. His promos were nothing more than ridiculous feral grunts and a butchering of the English language. Helwig fancies himself an intellectual but in truth he's just a man with a thesaurus.

Watching the brightly garbed Warrior shake the ropes, prance around the ring and pump his fists in the air he resembled nothing more than his own personal cheerleader from Hell. Nobody was a bigger fan of Warrior than Jim Helwig who took his character so seriously that he literally changed his name to "Warrior". His personal website is one long glittering testimonial to his own greatness. He proclaims his return appearance to wrestling to be the highest rated segment in Nitro history. What he doesn't mention is that his incoherent, ramblings very quickly turned off viewers and his brief stint was considered a flop. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Warrior was given a lot more artistic freedom in WCW and the result was a confusing, cartoonish angle that embarrassed everyone involved. Warrior was more than just a bad wrestler he was a certifiable nutcase and a nasty human being to boot. So where does an ex-wrestler take his bizarre ravings, inflated ego and generally bad disposition after his career is over? Warrior now fancies himself a Conservative pundit ala Ann Coulter delivering speeches on how America is in decline. Perhaps if we all had heeded Warriors advice and listened to the great Warrior Spirit society would now be dressing in colorful tassels with skin tight hot pants and garish face paint. Instead Warrior has become a dated icon whose gimmick today would more likely evoke guffaws for its goofiness. Jim Helwig wasn't a man before his time he was a product that could only exist during that brief window in the early to mid 90's. Subsequent attempts to rekindle the Warrior magic were doomed from the start. Warrior was so early 90's he seems downright quaint today but that doesn't stop him from being the second worst wrestler in history.


Winner -Bill Goldberg
Goldberg has many of the same qualities as the runner up for Worst Wrestler in History, The Ultimate Warrior, but unlike Warrior Goldberg has the distinction of having never earned his wrestling stripes in any way shape or form. Instead he was granted superstar status from the moment he stepped into the professional ranks. WCW was so intent on making a star that they literally piped in crowd chanting and created a character unburdened by things like say…. losses, or even say…. mild challenges. Hulk Hogan may have dominated in his heyday but at least he was generally willing to sell a move even to mid-carders. With the introduction of Goldberg WCW was separated into two levels; Goldberg and everyone else. All wrestlers job to Goldberg. I can remember Lex Luger smashing a chair into the back of Goldberg only to have Goldberg stand rigid for several seconds as if struck by a soap bubble. He finally collapsed to the ground with a comical overselling but in that moment I can only imagine the gears moving in Goldberg's mind as he contemplated no sell the chair shot.

Giving the devil his dues I'll credit Jim Helwig with, at least, working his way up to the WWF through much smaller organizations like World Class wrestling. Bill Goldberg on the other hand was given just enough wrestling training to learn two power moves and enough mic training to learn his two word catch phrase. Brilliant. Having an unstoppable force in WCW had the effect of making all wrestlers besides Goldberg look weak and timid. There is literally nowhere for a character like Bill Goldberg to grow and expand. His brief stint at being a heel was brought to a quick end when Goldberg cried like a little baby for making his fans sad. I would say that anyone who was actually a fan of Goldberg had bigger problems than a heel turn.

Bill Goldberg likes to think of his character as something that might have stepped out of the Ultimate Fighting Championship and he seemed to often have difficulty drawing a distinction between wrestling and real fighting. Goldberg was known for fighting stiff and a clumsy boot from 'The Man' ended the career of Bret Hart, an infinitely more talented wrestler. In one severely classless act Goldberg challenged Steve Austin to an actual fight and later threatened Triple H at a signing. It never occurred to Bill Goldberg that these two wrestlers were entertainers who had more dignity than two scuffle with a pumped up jerk from a rival organization. No one was safe from Goldberg's excessively physical style including himself. After making the rest of the WCW roster look like a bunch of panty waist schoolgirls Bill Goldberg would then proceed to get himself injured by doing things like punching his fist through a car window. In some ways I feel almost sorry for Jim Helwig because he is clearly nuts. Bill Goldberg, on the other hand, seems more in control of his faculties which makes his tantrums and ego bursts seem all the more pathetic and nasty. He comes off like a humorless bully like when he complained about Chris Jericho addressing him as Goldstein and refusing to do even a mildly interesting angle with the talented up and comer. Some people credit Goldberg with creating a resurgence of interest in WCW but in truth he was the poster child for everything that was wrong with WCW. He managed to go from rookie to selfish, frequently injured, entrenched veteran in one quick step which is a feat worthy someone with the title Worst Wrestler in History.

As usual all comments for this guest poster can be sent to the following address and I will make sure that he receives them.

wrestleblogger@yahoo.com